If you’ve recently gone through a divorce (or are in the process of going through one now), there’s a good chance that, in addition to all of the emotional stressors, financial matters are pretty high on your list of concerns too. 

While it may seem like the preferred solution is putting those difficult emotions aside (at least for now) and trying to think about financial hurdles as little as possible, there’s another approach to rebuilding your finances after a divorce that you might want to consider.

Even though a divorce is one of the most stressful times in life, it may actually be one of the best times to work with your financial psychology to prime your brain for financial success.

Our financial psychology is impacted by the following fundamental components:

1. Money emotions (anxiety, avoidance, exuberance, etc.)
2. Money beliefs (things you were taught about money growing up)
3. Money numbers (income, debt, savings, budget, investments, etc.)
4. Money actions (how you pursue your money goals)

Each plays an important role when it comes to regulating our money behaviors, and they work together to create your financial mindset.

Here are seven steps to guide you as you optimize your financial psychology while dealing with divorce. 

1. Hire a financial advisor to help you through the process. Having an independent third party helps you know your numbers so that you can make informed (and more objective) decisions. For example, how you deal with your house is typically one of the biggest financial and emotional decisions in a divorce. Should you keep it or sell it? You need to balance the long-term cost of keeping your home with the emotional costs of selling it. I recommend getting a home appraisal, knowing the tax impact of selling, and knowing the true cost of home ownership by adding up every property tax, repair, appliance, and bill for the past 3-5 years. Also, if the mortgage is adjustable, your mortgage payments might increase and refinancing might not be an option, particularly given current high interest rates. You should weigh these facts against the emotional impact of selling your home. I have seen many people insist on keeping a home, only to later regret the financial burden of sole ownership. But decisions like these are deeply personal and one size does not fit all. A good advisor will show you the financial consequences of both selling and keeping your home. You can then weigh that information alongside the emotional piece to determine the best approach for you.
    
2. Write down your top 2-3 money beliefs that you learned growing up. Recognize that your inherited money beliefs and emotions greatly influence the total mental and financial burden of divorce. Understanding your inherited money beliefs, and how they might be serving or hurting you, can be invaluable at this time. 
   
   
3. Write down the 2-3 money beliefs that you wish you had inherited growing up. Start asking yourself: what’s a small practical step I can take with my finances to make each of these beliefs my own? 
   
   
4. Know your inner value. Gather 4 or 5 friends and encourage them to share openly with you what they think your skills, resources, talents, inner and outer wealth, and career possibilities are. Embracing our inner value and reminding ourselves of our ability to earn income is one of the most useful, but under-utilized survival skills to cope with divorce. 
   
   
5. Remember you are enough. So much of our self-worth gets wrapped up in our relationship, and when it ends, our self-esteem rarely comes through unscathed. This often makes us feel ‘less than’ in so many areas of our lives, including our ability to earn income. Divorce can really impact your feelings of self-worth. You may feel like a failure—that you are not “enough.” I recommend my “Enough” meditation as a way to anchor your worthiness during this tender time.
   
   
6. Take easy small actions towards finding a job, side hustle, or new business that incorporate what you do well, what you enjoy, and what brings others value. Easy small actions build success faster than big actions. What matters is that you shift your perspective and start believing that you’re capable of providing for your financial future.
   
   
7. Commit to your purpose. There’s financial freedom in this. You can start to do the things that bring a sense of purpose to your life. And this includes how you manage your finances. Decide what to spend money on and how much to save. Pursue a career connected to your life’s purpose to create a financial future that serves you well.

Divorce is often challenging, but it can be a catalyst to take charge of your finances and reframe limiting money beliefs as you reset your life. From a financial perspective, divorce can be the doorway to earning more money, and feeling empowered about your finances for the first time in your life. When we’re married, we sometimes assume the other spouse is handling a money issue or if they can spend that much on clothing, then we can too. Being single brings the opportunity to know all the numbers and be the CEO of your life. You make all the decisions about earning, spending, saving, giving, borrowing, and investing (although I would recommend that you do so with the assistance of an objective financial advisor). You get to be the author of your financial future, aligning your money behaviors with your own values, beliefs, and risk tolerance. You might ask your advisor: what financial decisions over these coming years are likely to improve my probability of financial success? This is the beginning of true financial freedom.

Retrain Your Financial Habits

It’s been said that anything is easy to do, once you know how. 

Believing in your value, uncovering money beliefs, and committing to your purpose all prime your brain for financial success. However, priming is only half the story when it comes to finances. Training yourself for long-term financial success requires a different set of knowledge. 

Without financial training, it’s difficult to know a). Which actions lead to financial prosperity; and b). Which habits set you up for financial success long-term.

That’s why I’ve created Fearless Finance University. 

There, you’ll find my complete Fearless Finance course which teaches you how to master your money emotions, along with Wealth Activations to help you develop better financial habits, and access to weekly sessions designed to help you move toward financial ease and freedom.